Kim's Randomness

So I’ve been living in SoCal for 3/4 weeks now, definitely love it here. The atmosphere, my roomies, my job, it’s pretty awesome. I’ve done so much so far already. I’ve grown a lot too! Which I’m glad I’m realizing things and growing. It’s definitely what I needed.

I just kind of wish a certain person in my life would put me a bit higher on the priority list. Sometimes it feels when he wants me I go above and beyond but when I want him there’s always something or someone. I can understand some things but I’ve kind of got to the point to where I’m done. I’m not going to reach out and go out of my way.

Friendships/Relationships are the same they both require give and take. Caring for each other, supporting, being there. Spending time (1 of the key factors in my book). Making time for someone is worth more than gifts or anything.

I just don’t want a one sided thing, granted he’s always incredibly amazing to me and alway there for me, but when certain people in his life come around they are his higher priority, which I don’t have to be priority all the time, but I felt I was kicked to the curb multiple times because of it. Idk, could just be whatever, but I’m tired of taking care of everything.

My thinking is if they want to change that feeling I’m having, put us on a little higher priority and don’t just do it when you need me. Don’t kick me to the curb, it’s not fun and I don’t appreciate it.

Yeah well I needed to write that.. Tons of runons and w/e but just needed that out of my mind.

Putting those feelings aside and not working on it myself anymore. I know my worth and if you lose me, well idk. I will be heart broken for a long while, but I’ll get through it.

When I need you most you’re not here…expected a bit more from you. Expectations are a bit high it seems…

Officially moving, craziness this is. I never thought this could actually happen, but it is! I still can’t believe it.

I got my parents Blessings, but they are still concerned a bit, which is understandable for finances, but I think I can find a job and have this all be great. I have faith and support <3

We’ll see where things go….you can tell how I write here, it’s always when something is on my mind…of course moving is on my mind. The scariest & exciting thing I’ve ever done so far in my life, but I’m not quite sure where things are or my “rank” is, it’s interesting.

Certain people say jump and I say how high, others say jump and I say what for?…really need to change that. I think I give more people the upper hand than others, which isn’t good either. They probably know they have the upper hand too. 

We’ll see if I get the upper hand once in a while. Certain things are really important to me and that’s family. There’s a lot of other things I can write, but I have done nothing,but go through a little cabinet, so I shall go for now.. I’m sure if other things come to my mind and I just need to write, I will be back.

Which most likely will happen in a little over a couple weeks cuz that’s the big leap! 

Yikes! Keep me in prayer please. 

Thank you  <3

Last night I got an email that pretty much made me realize that my Dream is ready to take off!

It’s been on a steady coast but it’s time for me to find out how my wings are. I met with some amazing girls last week, about an apartment! I really loved how we all meshed so well together and they were really sweet and they are all Christian which is awesome too! I can’t wait to learn more and grow spiritually as well as in general in my experiences.

Going to have my parents come check out the place and talk to them hopefully next week or the following. I want their Blessings and so they can know I’ll be ok. Trust me I’ll have daily text, facetimes etc with my whole family! It’s pretty crazy to think of it all happening, but I know this is the right thing for me at this time. I prayed about it and asked for something to tell me it’ll be ok and for a safe place to live and a job to come. He’s a providing God and he set these stepping stones in front of me for a reason, I know it!

He even sent me a really amazing guy (my best friend) without him, I really don’t know how things would be. He supports me in all that I do and believes in me whole heartedly, even when I don’t have an once of faith in myself. I know and believe that he was meant to be apart of my life and I Thank God for him everyday just like my family, especially my parents.

I’m extremely rich with love and I know God’s plan for my life has evolved way more in the last couple years and I’m really excited for this incredible journey that’s ahead of me

I’ve been noticing the last couple weeks…..Why do people change when they’re with certain people? Why not be yourself all the time? You act a certain way with a certain group but with another a certain way? The you that you are when you’re real, is the person that you should be. 

It saddens me to see things change  :/ cuz it’s not you, like the real you.

#stupidchangestofitin or #thesideineverseenthatishouldsee 

things that have been going through my head. 

Happy New Year! :D I hope the year as started on a good foot :) If not, you can change it, Optimism is one of the key factors that keeps me going, maybe that can help you in your thinking as well :) . Well my year so far, well lets just say, life has been going soo fast. I’ve been working out (making a better me) and building my confidence. Which is finally nice to have again (a friend helped with that too, he knows how to make me feel pretty & feel loved) Not exactly sure how but he does ^_^. I’ve been working on finances and looking for places because my dream is coming true and this will take me to SoCal! I’m excited about it, scared, probably every emotion imaginable, but I know it’s for my future and it’ll be good for me. It’s that time in life that I start to fly, I know I will make my parents proud. <3 With the help of my amazing friends and family I know I’ll get through this in due time, it’ll be a tough few months after that big move,but I’ll have my friends there to comfort me and remind me of the good things. I have a really amazing person in my life that definitely knows how to be there for me and how to make me smile, which is always helpful and always reminds me of the many Blessings I have in my life. Random, but Hopefully work puts me back on FT too! That will help immensely! There’s tons of things going on in my head and this helped to get my thinking straight. I should sleep since I’m just writing stuff that’s in my head at the moment anyway! Anyway, GoodNite!

You’ve made me a better person, helped me grow and helped me through so much <3 You’re one of the best, sweetest, nicest person I’ve ever met. You’ve changed my life for the better and I hope to one day spend it with you.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you and tonight just made my feelings realize yeah you’re worth it. You’re worth fighting for.

Our song, I haven’t heard it in full length in a very very long time and it was Amazing, my feelings for you during that song just seemed right

So, I had a huge accomplishment happen a bit ago, I got accepted to the Art Institute of California for Baking/Pastry & Business! Crazy Awesome! Well I’m starting online classes Oct 3rd! So Excited for that!

With school starting soon, in tuen that means I have to start thinking about moving, which in take means finances and huge decisions about who will be my roommates when I’ll be moving. Parting from my family and friends in NorCal to head over to SoCal for School.

The big thing about Roommates is relying on them each month to pay for their share of the apartment & utilities. Especially if it’s on your credit report (& you have excellent credit) You definitely never ever want to ruin that.

Deciding when to move, to make sure you’re financially stable and have a few months rent saved up for emergencies. These decisions are all being circled in your head, you can’t have one seine say oh I can’t afford it this month cuz of this, then it’s on you cuz you don’t want to ruin your credit. It’s not fare.

I have a lot of things to bring to an apartment and to be ok financially I think, but that’s me. Relying on other people has been one of the main fears of mine.

A major thing my parents are worried about too. Which I don’t blame them cuz they’ve gotten messed up before And they just don’t want me to fail because of someone else.

Decisions Decisions, growing up stinks sometimes but Im learning a lot about myself while Im doing it.I just wish I had a little glimpse to know Ill be ok.

I write to figure out things cuz sometimes when it’s just in my head I don’t always understand or see what’s going on. So this helped a lot & plus it helped pass the time on the elliptical. So win all around :)

Have a great day!

We’re back to our normal selves, our lives got busy, and now someone just makes that little green monster want to peep in >_

Liking someone has to be one of the toughest things…I’ve gone through tons of other things…but the thing I can’t seem to figure out is liking someone/relationships…

Like I know the in’s and out’s and the needs for a relationship, how to treat your significant other,etc, but how do you know? It’s just so complicated… This is the thing that I can’t solve. 

I just wish it was a little more easier than it has been…yeah I know I’m asking for too much, but Yeah I know I care about this guy, & I know he cares about me as well. He’s pretty much one of the most Amazing people I’ve met and have been apart of my life…I’d never want to lose his friendship ever…..he’s the sweetest person ever and just pretty Incredible to say the least. I just need to figure out what my heart is trying to tell me…and be patient as well…. but Good Things happen to those who wait… so I guess we’ll have to wait and see… >_<