I’ve been noticing the last couple weeks…..Why do people change when they’re with certain people? Why not be yourself all the time? You act a certain way with a certain group but with another a certain way? The you that you are when you’re real, is the person that you should be. 

It saddens me to see things change  :/ cuz it’s not you, like the real you.

#stupidchangestofitin or #thesideineverseenthatishouldsee 

things that have been going through my head. 

Happy New Year! :D I hope the year as started on a good foot :) If not, you can change it, Optimism is one of the key factors that keeps me going, maybe that can help you in your thinking as well :) . Well my year so far, well lets just say, life has been going soo fast. I’ve been working out (making a better me) and building my confidence. Which is finally nice to have again (a friend helped with that too, he knows how to make me feel pretty & feel loved) Not exactly sure how but he does ^_^. I’ve been working on finances and looking for places because my dream is coming true and this will take me to SoCal! I’m excited about it, scared, probably every emotion imaginable, but I know it’s for my future and it’ll be good for me. It’s that time in life that I start to fly, I know I will make my parents proud. <3 With the help of my amazing friends and family I know I’ll get through this in due time, it’ll be a tough few months after that big move,but I’ll have my friends there to comfort me and remind me of the good things. I have a really amazing person in my life that definitely knows how to be there for me and how to make me smile, which is always helpful and always reminds me of the many Blessings I have in my life. Random, but Hopefully work puts me back on FT too! That will help immensely! There’s tons of things going on in my head and this helped to get my thinking straight. I should sleep since I’m just writing stuff that’s in my head at the moment anyway! Anyway, GoodNite!

You’ve made me a better person, helped me grow and helped me through so much <3 You’re one of the best, sweetest, nicest person I’ve ever met. You’ve changed my life for the better and I hope to one day spend it with you.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you and tonight just made my feelings realize yeah you’re worth it. You’re worth fighting for.

Our song, I haven’t heard it in full length in a very very long time and it was Amazing, my feelings for you during that song just seemed right

So, I had a huge accomplishment happen a bit ago, I got accepted to the Art Institute of California for Baking/Pastry & Business! Crazy Awesome! Well I’m starting online classes Oct 3rd! So Excited for that!

With school starting soon, in tuen that means I have to start thinking about moving, which in take means finances and huge decisions about who will be my roommates when I’ll be moving. Parting from my family and friends in NorCal to head over to SoCal for School.

The big thing about Roommates is relying on them each month to pay for their share of the apartment & utilities. Especially if it’s on your credit report (& you have excellent credit) You definitely never ever want to ruin that.

Deciding when to move, to make sure you’re financially stable and have a few months rent saved up for emergencies. These decisions are all being circled in your head, you can’t have one seine say oh I can’t afford it this month cuz of this, then it’s on you cuz you don’t want to ruin your credit. It’s not fare.

I have a lot of things to bring to an apartment and to be ok financially I think, but that’s me. Relying on other people has been one of the main fears of mine.

A major thing my parents are worried about too. Which I don’t blame them cuz they’ve gotten messed up before And they just don’t want me to fail because of someone else.

Decisions Decisions, growing up stinks sometimes but Im learning a lot about myself while Im doing it.I just wish I had a little glimpse to know Ill be ok.

I write to figure out things cuz sometimes when it’s just in my head I don’t always understand or see what’s going on. So this helped a lot & plus it helped pass the time on the elliptical. So win all around :)

Have a great day!

We’re back to our normal selves, our lives got busy, and now someone just makes that little green monster want to peep in >_

Liking someone has to be one of the toughest things…I’ve gone through tons of other things…but the thing I can’t seem to figure out is liking someone/relationships…

Like I know the in’s and out’s and the needs for a relationship, how to treat your significant other,etc, but how do you know? It’s just so complicated… This is the thing that I can’t solve. 

I just wish it was a little more easier than it has been…yeah I know I’m asking for too much, but Yeah I know I care about this guy, & I know he cares about me as well. He’s pretty much one of the most Amazing people I’ve met and have been apart of my life…I’d never want to lose his friendship ever…..he’s the sweetest person ever and just pretty Incredible to say the least. I just need to figure out what my heart is trying to tell me…and be patient as well…. but Good Things happen to those who wait… so I guess we’ll have to wait and see… >_<

When I posted that last post, I wasn’t really expecting today to be good, cuz yesterday yea it wasn’t the best.

But yeah it has been a great day! Morning was eh, then had an awesome Tier Cake Class and then an awesome workout, meetings, talking with an awesome friend about random stuff for a couple hrs which is always nice ^_^ and now trying to finish designs calendar and everything else on my list of a thousand, but overall it has been a pretty Great Day! <3

np “In The Dark I See” - Lights

I’m ready for that big change in my life, but with that other part of the change, I’m not. Signs with lights and sirens are there telling me I have to =/ ….Over reacting? maybe, but I’m not ready to let you go broken heart

Such a stupid roller coaster with that, it’s so ugh, I don’t even know anymore.

>_< I had my music on shuffle, and “What If” by Summer Breeze came on..so I had to put it on here…cuz What If we’re meant to be? I have to leave this up to God, he knows what and who is suppose to be in my life. 

I’m not sure if this is the exact wordings of the song, but I tried my best and I have been listening to it on repeat and each time I can’t help but think of my own life & how true this is. There’s one person in my life that does this exactly & I do what she says in the song, that she does…it’s kind of weird…but yeah I pretty much love this song because of it. 

<3 One day, who knows…but for now….

I leave my heart in Gods hands and when and if it’s you, he’ll put it in yours.

_____________________________________________________________

Here, in this town its the Quiet place,

where I’m lying with a down turn face

 You come and distract me from what’s coming at me,

 Give, me something to look forward to

Truth be told sometimes its only you

Nothing is a stake here when we are awake here

(Chorus)

It’s you who bring the morning

you who takes the sun when I sleep

You’re the only one who stuck around

For me when I was loosing,

 faith in what I thought I would be

You’re the only one in the dark I see

The Dark I See, The Dark I see

I know I loose my heart so easily

Trying to only show the best of me

I go into hiding, each time I stop trying

Oh, You remind me of the little things

Till I, forget the part that’s troubling

And I feel so much better when we are together

(Chorus)

Cuz It’s you who bring the morning

you who takes the sun when I sleep

You’re the only one who stuck around

For me when I was loosing,

 faith in what I thought I would be

You’re the only one in the dark I see

A lot of my friends are getting together and family members getting engaged, sometimes I feel a bit like I’m growing in that department slower than most.

I know I’m waiting for the right person to come along (which I have a feeling he has, but I really don’t know where or if we are or will be anything) but there’s this feeling that I’ve never ever felt before, and yeah he makes my life that much better.

“…<3 someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain , someday we’ll know why the sky is blue, someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you….” -This Song stuck in my head =/

“…Though it seems that we were not meant to be 
I have to disagree, you are the one for me 
And i know someday we could find our way 
I hope it’s not too late 
Please stay…” - Gone - Kina Grannis Stairwells Deluxe

-Yeah I do feel that we are meant to be, and I’m hoping someday we could really find a way…I try to let my heart go and wander, but it always goes back to you. I know you have the best of everything for me, but am I the best for you? I don’t know and I’m Ii don’t think you know either, but I hope one day we can try to see, if we are meant to be.

this is my message from my heart <3